This one will be one of the more controversial topics that I write about, bar none. Here in the list of requirements for the "executive leader" is this one that says that you must be, "the husband of one wife." Many of you may be thinking right now, what in the world does that have to do with being a business leader? What about divorced people, can't they be leaders, or does this rule count them out? What I will say is that while it is not my intent to change anything in the Scriptural text, it is my intent to discover the principles that they teach, and translate that into a business principle that puts you on an unshakable foundation.

Quite honestly, much of the church is split over what this verse means as a qualification for elders (overseers) in their church bodies. Some take this as a very literal requirement, while others dismiss it as an outdated rule that should not apply because of the "grace" of God. I have my own beliefs about this, but I am not here to even try to make that case right now. However, I believe that there is an important principle at play here that certainly does apply to the business leader, and am almost willing to even say that it might be one of the most important qualifications for the executive-leader that we will look at.

But before I talk about how this principle applies to you, let me first guide you through some ideas so that you can understand what the principle actually is. When I thought about this idea of being a "husband of one wife" I started to ponder who this man really is. I didn't focus merely on the fact that he was married, and only did it once, but instead on the personality traits that this man must have, what kinds of things that he does. I even did some informal polls, and found some pretty interesting, yet consistent thoughts on this topic. It basically came down to three things:

• Humility


• Communication


• Love
  

The first word that I am going to throw out there to describe this person is "humility". Several of the people that I talk to about having a strong, divorce-proof marriage, mentioned something about stepping away from your own agenda, and being able to look at things from your spouse's point of view. Scriptures also instruct husbands to deal with our wives in an understanding way. What this means is that in order to resolve and even minimize conflict, we must first look at things from the other person's perspective. One thing that is interesting is that some of the people that stressed this point the most were people that have experienced divorce. Granted, this was not the most scientific of studies, but I appreciate the fact that these people shared this though from a "lessons learned" mindset. The bottom line is that we should never approach anything with the self-centered mindset that we have got it all right. We first need to humble ourselves and truly attempt to identify with the people on our team.

The second main idea that people threw out there was that of "communication" as being an important key to maintaining a strong marriage. I think that every respondent to my informal survey agreed that regular, open communication was key. I think that anyone that knows anything about marriage understands that communication with your spouse is important. However, one thing that I want to make sure that you understand how this same principle applies in the business world. It is easy to see how miscommunication (or the lack of communication) can start to rip apart a marriage. It is when the other person has to start guessing and making assumptions that things can start to get off track. It is the same thing in the business world as well. Don't make your people have to guess what is going on. Clear, open communication can save more headaches in the workplace than you can probably imagine.

The last idea that I want to stress is that of "love". My wife and I led a small-group study in our church for a couple of years called "A Biblical Portrait of Marriage". In this study, the role of the husband as "leader" was also balanced with his responsibility of "loving" his wife. Leading can easily become a position of "lording" your "power" over people if it is not balanced with love, especially a sacrificial love. As a leader in your organization, you must lead with a sacrificial heart for the people that you lead. You cannot have influence, if you do not have a connection with the people that you are trying to lead. This connection must be founded in, and nurtured in love. The Bible has lots to say about love, and it is not my intent to dig into that with this post. However, it is my intent to stress the importance of this to leading, whether it is in a marriage, or in a workplace.

Now, as we look at the principles in play here that help someone to be a "husband of only one wife", I think that you'll see that they are just as important in the workplace as they are in the home and in the church. We can all strive to step away from self-centered perspectives and approach things with a humble heart. This will help us to build trust with others, and understand the people that we lead better. We can also strive to keep open lines of communication with our teams, and make sure that we strive to erase opportunities for misunderstanding. We can also lead with love. We must truly care about the lives ans success of those around us.

Questions to consider:
Do you lead people in your organization as a husband who is committed to a divorce-proofed marriage? Do you approach situations and conflicts with a humble heart, or from a self-centered, "I'm in charge, so I can fix it" attitude? What are you doing right now to ensure that there is no confusion about things that are going on in your organization? How can you communicate better with the people around you? What does leading with love look like in your workplace? How can you show the people on your team that you truly care about their success? And since love is judged by the one who receives it, how do you know that they feel like you care?